by Candice Rijavec

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Standing on the edge of one of the tallest buildings in New York. Staring at the blue city lights. Beautiful but hopeless. Empty. Meaningless. How could a world full of people, not notice my pain? How did I get here? You don’t just suddenly want to end it all because of once incident. It comes from living a life full of pain that just does not seem to stop. I can’t handle it anymore. The emptiness. The loneliness. The pain swallowing me up, suffocating the very air I breathe. No one is even around to notice that I’m standing here. I have passed a thousand faces and not one stopped to ask why there are tears streaming down my face. If I jump… when I jump, will anyone even notice my body lying there… cold, dead on the concrete floor… as cold and as hard as the life that I have lived? They would probably just walk around me and not even notice the tears still streaming down my lifeless eyes. I suddenly wake up, overwhelmed and paralysed. It was as if shifting from one reality into another. It was just a dream. But yet, it’s not; it’s my life… my fears, my pain, my past. I lie in my bed, motionless, staring at the wall. The reality of re-living the pain, all over again, consumed me. How did I get here? How did I end up on the edge of that building? I was about to jump. How did I end up wanting to end it all?